Let me say upfront, I’ve never been to a soccer match in my life! So there I was on Tuesday evening, sitting on a wet audience stand (I think that’s what they call it), at Bidvest Stadium, Wits University watching home side Wits hammering Ajax Cape Town. While the big bosses and co. sat in a fenced off area on cushioned seats shielded from the rain wearing their team’s regalia, I was not a happy camper at all.

My editor asked me to make this piece a “how to survive guide” but to be honest, I barely survived the game myself, so that option’s out the window.

As a first timer at a live soccer game I was accompanied by a colleague, who, like myself was a first timer, but, unlike me she seemed excited for what the evening had in store. I suspect that being able to document the moment on Snapchat, selfies and all, was what kept her sane throughout the game.

WALK-OVER:Wits hammered Ajax Cape Town by 5-0 on home ground

WALK-OVER:Wits hammered Ajax Cape Town by 5-0 on home ground

If you are not a fan of noise, I suggest you stay away from watching games at the stadium. You hear the same noise on the TV but there is nothing that compares to hearing it live and in person. The Bidvest brass band kept the tunes rolling in throughout the game despite the noise from the crowd but I am convinced that this kind of assault on the senses should come with a warning of sorts.

On the field, everyone was running up and down under the lights, and, every once in a while, a ball ‘accidentally’ goes in followed by a crowd going wild. I say ‘accidentally’ because have you ever noticed how surprised the players themselves are when that ball hits the back of the net? You mean to say you were not expecting it to go in when you kicked the ball? Talk about pure luck!

I couldn’t but notice the high numbers of couples at the game. I actually think I had missed the memo for date night. I watched a couple sit down with their snacks and the woman sat next to her boyfriend trying to converse here and there, while said boyfriend immersed himself in the game. And they say cell phones kill relationships?

In all honesty though, I found that as much as I was supposed to watch the goings on, on the pitch, I was more entertained by everything else around me but the game. I cannot even tell you who scored the first goal or the last of the match never mind the ones in between, all I know is that our side won. This is as much of a match report that I could file, maybe next time will be better.