Freelance facilitator and chaplain Philip Allan Stoneman (47) is a man with a rich history of experience and accolades to his name. He is the founder of Trauma Support South Africa and is a qualified facilitator and assessor who does freelance training and awareness presentations for Creative Foundations Training, ImpiMed Medical Services and Tensho Security.
Stoneman was also the founding director of the iThemba Rape and Trauma Support Centre – a position he held for seven years. Prior to that, he was involved with the Emergency Services Chaplaincy on the East Rand between 2000 and 2005.
He has served as a trainer for the South African Institute for Traumatic Stress (SAITS) from 2008 to 2011 and has facilitated several workshops for the Gauteng Department of Health and Department of Community Safety. Stoneman joined the South African Police Service (SAPS) as a reservist in 2006 to better understand the effects of trauma on officers and workers.
In May 2015, he was called as a stated supply minister to the Dalpark Presbyterian Community Church where he ministered until July 2019. He is an ordained pastor and falls under the authority of the Order for Christian Service and Order for Christian Mission. Stoneman currently ministers as a community chaplain in the Fairleads Benoni Agricultural Holdings as a volunteer.
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Dear Ous Kudu
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years now and everything has been good. But lately we have been having problems. We got into an altercation which ended in a physical fight and a trip to the emergency room. I don’t know what to do because I love her and I don’t believe in hitting anyone let alone women. I can’t continue to let her hit me when she gets upset. Please help.
Ous Kudu says:
When arguments end up in physical fights, it’s never a good thing. I think that maybe it’s time you and your partner decide if you should call it quits.
Sometimes you need to disagree without getting physical. And you are probably starting to see the effects of these fights in other spheres of your life. I really think you and your partner need to sit down like the rational adults I know you are and decide what your way forward is.
Now I know you are thinking: ‘but I love her Ous Kudu!!’, but love shouldn’t hurt. Physically or emotionally. You should be building memories with your person, not sending each other to emergency rooms.
Have a burning question to ask or an unresolveable problem You can send your anonymous relationship dilemmas to Ous Kudu at editor@witsvuvuzela or tweet her @OusKudu.