My journey to setting boundaries began with a simple realisation: I was suffocating under the weight of others’ expectations. Now I know it’s the most radical act of self-love one will ever commit.
As I navigate the complexities of life, I have come to realize that setting boundaries is not just a necessity, but a superpower. Being intentional about my time, energy, and relationships has improved my well-being.
Setting boundaries is not selfish, but essential for our survival. A study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that people who set boundaries, and prioritise self-care have higher self-esteem and better mental health. By taking care of ourselves, we can show up more fully and be more present in our relationships and lives.
Spiritual boundaries include being mindful of the company I keep and the beliefs with which I engage with, which are Christian beliefs. As Emmanuel James Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Engaging with like-minded communities has also provided a supportive environment where I can share my thoughts, learn from others, and deepen my understanding of my faith. This has ultimately strengthened my relationship with God and myself, enabling me to navigate life’s challenges with greater clarity and purpose.
Academically, setting boundaries means dedicating time to my studies and prioritizing my education. As Mpoomy Ledwaba an international speaker and founder of Wisdom & Wellness once said, “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” For me, this means setting aside dedicated time for studying and avoiding distractions.
I allocate specific hours each day for studying, ensuring I minimise social media and phone usage during that time, I also create a conducive study environment by using a quiet and organised study space.
My friends joke that my brand and personality have become “Miss Journalist”, because I have become so locked in and it occupies my mind most of the time. Whilst it is true that I am currently struggling to find the balance between a social life and my studies, I can maintain a sense of accomplishment and take pride in my academic journey.
Much like a gardener tends to their garden, nurturing the soil and pruning the weeds to allow the flowers to bloom, one can tend to a person or situation with similar care and attention, to ensure growth.
Financial boundaries include being disciplined and avoiding activities that would stretch one too thin. It is essential to create a budget and stick to it, while avoiding impulsive purchases.
But let’s be real, I struggle with this one the most. Who can resist the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the glazed baked treats on display in a coffee shop? Certainly not me, every day I have to fight against my senses when I walk into the Es’kia Mpahlele building, which has a Vida e Cafe at its entrance. Their Strawberry Supresa smoothie, banana loaf, and spicy chicken mayo are to die for.
But in all seriousness, it’s a work in progress and I am trying to be more mindful of my spending habits. Maybe I will be able to resist the temptation of that coffee shop…but no promises!
Lastly, the most important boundaries are the ones I set in my relationships. As Jerry Flowers, a motivational speaker and priest for the Time of Celebration Ministries Church says “Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to keep yourself in.”
It is all easier said than done, and life is a continuous process of self-reflection, growth, and improvement. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so you need to take care of yourself first, boundaries are the tool that makes that possible.
FEATURED IMAGE: Katlego Mtshali, 2024 Wits Vuvuzela Journalist. Photo: File/Leon Sadiki
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