Local reality television mirrors a deeper societal truth, where marriage is still seen as a prize, men are the gatekeepers, and women carry the emotional cost of being “chosen.
The media frequently reflects societal values, challenges, and hidden realities. In South Africa, reality television programmes such as Makoti: Are You the One? Marry Me Now SA, and You Promised to Marry Me highlight a lingering social problem: the imbalanced power dynamics in romantic relationships.
These programmes show that women are still required to demonstrate their value for marriage, whereas men possess the authority to determine whether that commitment takes place. Amid tears, conflicts, and public appeals, these shows expose a cultural truth where being “chosen” is a woman’s responsibility and a man’s choice.
South Africa’s obsession with marriage reality shows reveals more than just romantic drama, it exposes a deep-rooted gender power imbalance that places men as the ultimate decision-makers and women as the hopeful, often desperate seekers.
These shows are popular for a reason. Many South African women, especially in their late 20s and early 30s, are navigating a cultural terrain where marriage is still seen as the ultimate stamp of success. The ticking biological clock, family pressure, and patriarchal norms all converge to create a powerful sense of urgency and anxiety within these women.
In Makoti: Are You the One?, women go to their partner’s family homes for 21 days to prove they’re ready to be wives, performing household tasks, enduring awkward family interrogations, and sometimes facing humiliation.
Marry Me Now SA features women taking charge by proposing to their boyfriends after secretly planning the whole thing- only to sometimes be met with rejection.
You Promised to Marry Me, the Moja Love hit sees scorned women confront men who ghosted them after making promises of marriage. Each episode is a theatrical unmasking of betrayal, entitlement, and emotional manipulation.
These all mirror the way South African society often places a woman’s value in her ability to be chosen. They mirror the way many men are socialised to delay commitment, weaponize uncertainty, and maintain control. And they mirror the way we, as Africans, celebrate the idea of marriage but often ignore the emotional labour it demands from women to “earn” it.
Although these women are not forced to go on these shows and are driven by hope, love, or even desperation for closure, that choice is shaped by a deeper imbalance where men still hold the final say in whether a relationship becomes a marriage.
Polygamy reveals that men are the gatekeepers of marriage, and women are left negotiating love on uneven ground. I believe that is often used as a cultural excuse to justify emotional neglect, with women expected to accept sharing a partner in the name of tradition, even when it hurts.
Marriage, in this world, is not a mutual milestone, it’s a trophy, and women are expected to compete for it.
While it’s easy to dismiss these shows as mindless entertainment or scripted drama, why are women constantly put in positions where they must prove themselves? Why do so many of these shows feature women doing the proposing, begging, or exposing while men remain emotionally unavailable, detached, or even smug?
Of course, not all men are commitment-phobic, and not all women want marriage. But the overwhelming narrative across our screens still casts men as the guards and women as the petitioners. This has real consequences for how viewers, especially young people, understand relationships, self-worth, and gender roles. Over time, these messages shape how young people view love not as a partnership, but as a performance where one is always auditioning to be chosen.
FEATURED IMAGE: Bontle Malowa , 2025 Wits Vuvuzela journalist. Photo: File/Paul Botes.
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