Local reality television mirrors a deeper societal truth, where marriage is still seen as a prize, men are the gatekeepers, and women carry the emotional cost of being “chosen.
The media frequently reflects societal values, challenges, and hidden realities. In South Africa, reality television programmes such as Makoti: Are You the One?Marry Me Now SA, andYou Promised to Marry Me highlight a lingering social problem: the imbalanced power dynamics in romantic relationships.
These programmes show that women are still required to demonstrate their value for marriage, whereas men possess the authority to determine whether that commitment takes place. Amid tears, conflicts, and public appeals, these shows expose a cultural truth where being “chosen” is a woman’s responsibility and a man’s choice.
South Africa’s obsession with marriage reality shows reveals more than just romantic drama, it exposes a deep-rooted gender power imbalance that places men as the ultimate decision-makers and women as the hopeful, often desperate seekers.
These shows are popular for a reason. Many South African women, especially in their late 20s and early 30s, are navigating a cultural terrain where marriage is still seen as the ultimate stamp of success. The ticking biological clock, family pressure, and patriarchal norms all converge to create a powerful sense of urgency and anxiety within these women.
In Makoti: Are You the One?, women go to their partner’s family homes for 21 days to prove they’re ready to be wives, performing household tasks, enduring awkward family interrogations, and sometimes facing humiliation.
Marry Me Now SA features women taking charge by proposing to their boyfriends after secretly planning the whole thing- only to sometimes be met with rejection.
You Promised to Marry Me, the Moja Love hit sees scorned women confront men who ghosted them after making promises of marriage. Each episode is a theatrical unmasking of betrayal, entitlement, and emotional manipulation.
These all mirror the way South African society often places a woman’s value in her ability to be chosen. They mirror the way many men are socialised to delay commitment, weaponize uncertainty, and maintain control. And they mirror the way we, as Africans, celebrate the idea of marriage but often ignore the emotional labour it demands from women to “earn” it.
Although these women are not forced to go on these shows and are driven by hope, love, or even desperation for closure, that choice is shaped by a deeper imbalance where men still hold the final say in whether a relationship becomes a marriage.
Polygamy reveals that men are the gatekeepers of marriage, and women are left negotiating love on uneven ground. I believe that is often used as a cultural excuse to justify emotional neglect, with women expected to accept sharing a partner in the name of tradition, even when it hurts.
Marriage, in this world, is not a mutual milestone, it’s a trophy, and women are expected to compete for it.
While it’s easy to dismiss these shows as mindless entertainment or scripted drama, why are women constantly put in positions where they must prove themselves? Why do so many of these shows feature women doing the proposing, begging, or exposing while men remain emotionally unavailable, detached, or even smug?
Of course, not all men are commitment-phobic, and not all women want marriage. But the overwhelming narrative across our screens still casts men as the guards and women as the petitioners. This has real consequences for how viewers, especially young people, understand relationships, self-worth, and gender roles. Over time, these messages shape how young people view love not as a partnership, but as a performance where one is always auditioning to be chosen.
“No means no” was just the beginning — last Thursday at Wits, the School of Arts and Gender Equity Office joined forces to challenge silence, spark dialogue, and rethink consent in a powerful campus event.
WSOA students reflected on blurred boundaries in movement and performance training.
GEO outlined intersectional harm and shared tools for survivor support.
The seminar encouraged open dialogue, aimed to build a safer, conscious campus culture.
A GEO branded stress ball. Photo: Bontle Malowa
“A Conversation on Sexual Harassment” brought together students and staff for an open dialogue on how harassment manifests in the classroom, rehearsal spaces, and beyond. While the GEO presented definitions and data, it was the personal testimonies that brought the discussion to life.
First-year theatre student Jade Scheepers said, “Amongst students, consent is rarely asked, especially in movement classes.” She appreciated how the seminar acknowledged that harassment “hits differently” depending on one’s identity and experience.
The GEO emphasised that gender-based harm includes verbal, non-verbal, and physical misconduct, and it disproportionately impacts students across intersections of race, gender, and sexuality. Intern Bhekamndeni Mkhwanzi explained that GEO’s role goes beyond policy: “It’s about building an ecosystem where survivors feel seen, heard, and supported.”
The university collects and tracks all GBH/V-related complaints, analysing trends to inform and improve intervention initiatives. It provides a safe and confidential space with full-time counselling support for complainants and victims, ensuring they receive the care and guidance they need. Complainants and victims are confidentially advised of their available options, and formal complaints against staff or students accused of GBH/V are managed through an independent disciplinary procedure. Additionally, the university actively engages in advocacy efforts to promote gender equality.
First-year theatre student Sharon Nienaber, the session was particularly relevant to arts students, who often navigate blurred lines of physical contact during theatre and performance training. “This wasn’t just an academic talk, it was a reckoning,” she said.
Mkhwanzi says it is working to improve peer counselling, anonymous reporting, and trauma-informed support. As one student put it, the space offered “validation” and a renewed call for safer, more conscious creative spaces,” said Saijal Pather first year theatre student. The seminar provided a clear and comprehensive definition of Gender-based-harm (GBH) as “any unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature—verbal, non-verbal, or physical.” It also underscored the significance of intersectionality, highlighting how harassment disproportionately affects individuals whose identities intersect across race, gender, sexuality, disability, and religion.
By the end of the session, the seminar had done more than educate. It had sparked a collective discomfort necessary for change and opened the door to ongoing conversations.
FEATURED IMAGE: Wits School of Arts students in the seminar. Photo: Bontle Malowa
Deaf Culture takes centre stage through short films, art exhibitions and visual arts.
The Wits Centre for Deaf Studies hosted South Africa’s Deaf Art and Film Festival (DAFF) on March 28, 2025, at the Space Frame Auditorium on the Wits Education Campus in Parktown, providing a platform for hearing-impaired creatives and storytellers to share their culture, identity, and lived experiences.
Sponsors of National Lotteries Commission by DAFF
The event, sponsored by the National Lotteries Commission, brought together members of the Deaf community, students, artists, academics, and allies for an afternoon that was as moving as it was inspiring.
Despite the absence of traditional sound, the festival is far from silent. It bursts with energy and emotion through visual storytelling and physical movement. Live performances include sign language poetry, visual music, and deaf theatre that incorporates bold gestures, expressive faces, and dynamic body language. Dance groups choreograph pieces to vibrations and rhythms felt through the floor, often using lighting cues and visual effects to guide timing.
A major highlight of the event was the screening of work created by 15 deaf interns, who spent the past six months training in a first-of-its-kind film production internship programme launched by the Centre.
Under the guidance of Nenio Mbazima, video producer at the Centre for Deaf Studies and project lead of the internship, these young filmmakers gained skills in cinematography, editing, and storytelling.“The journey hasn’t always been easy, many of them had never touched a camera before, But these interns showed incredible determination, they’ve grown into confident visual storytellers, and their films are not only technically excellent but deeply personal” said Mbazima.
When asked about the vision behind the event, the director of the for Centre for Deaf Studies and the festival’s lead organiser.
Prof. Claudine Storbeck, explained “This is the first time many of these stories are being told by deaf people themselves, in their own language, on their own terms. It’s about recognising Deaf culture not just as a disability narrative, but as a vibrant, creative identity.”
The short films shown were rich in personal narrative, emotion, and creativity, reflecting stories of identity, everyday challenges, and triumphs of deaf individuals in South Africa. The audience responded with enthusiastic applause and emotional engagement and many visibly moved by the film’s messages.
Nenio Mbazima and two interns Nombulelo Dakayi and Linda Majola by Bontle Malowa
One of the interns, Nombulelo Dakayi, shared how being part of the programme has changed her life.
“I was very shy and terrible at filming, but I never saw myself represented in the industry,” she said through a South African Sign Language (SASL) interpreter. “Now, I feel seen. I feel powerful.”
Another intern, Linda Majola, highlighted the importance of telling stories in SASL, “It’s our language, our voice. It’s how we connect with each other and the world,” she said. “Through film, we can show people what it really means to be deaf in South Africa”.
The festival concluded with a graduation ceremony where the interns were awarded certificates of completion, symbolising not just the end of training but the beginning of promising creative careers.
FEATURED IMAGE: The 15 deaf interns in the arts and film production. Photo: Bontle Malowa
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